Things That I Am (NOT) Mad About

This is the month that gratitude is supposed to be extra important, so, true to my rebellious form, gratitude happens to be the thing that I am struggling with the most at the moment. In fact, instead of feeling thankful, I have been all crabby and mad at the world. For all of the ways in which it seeks to rip me off. But after about 15 minutes (ok, maybe like three days), I can't even stand to be around myself, because that's just unpleasant. So, in an effort to be less unpleasant, or at least be able to stand myself...

We only had one customer at work last night, and he kind of creeped me out when he asked to touch my hands to see if they were as soft as he thought... but I got to go home early, so I am not even mad.

I had to comb head lice out of one of my kid's (who shall remain nameless) hair last night. I don't do hair. Especially licey hair. But the rest  of the monsters were totally lice-free. One out of four ain't bad, so I am not even mad.

Aspen hates to take showers, but, on the fateful lice-quest last night, she had the healthiest, cleanest scalp by far. Dirty kids for the win. I am not even mad. 

One of the middle children (who shall also remain nameless) had a pretty bad Nattitude last night. But taking away and iPod and grounding her reminded me that I am still a mom and not entirely powerless. And I wasn't even mad. 

After 37 family meetings about using Everybody Else's towels/toothbrushes/razors, last night Uyen and Natalee realized that they were inadvertently using the same towel, and Aspen and MacKenzie discovered that they were advertently (on one part) using the same toothbrush, and maybe, FINALLY, we will have a breakthrough, since they were all grossing out about sharing towels and toothbrushes (THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG!) I win. And I am not even mad. 

And after countless lectures about the Importance Of Doing Chores, even when mom is at work, last night was the Height of Fail in this area. I made them help me with All Of the Undone Chores to the tune of much stomping and door slamming. But ultimately, I got some stuff put away. So I am not even mad. 

Every bad thing has a good side. Like cleaning your house really well and washing ALL OF THE BEDDING several times in a couple of weeks, because, you know, the lice. And not having work sometimes makes the bills seems scary but, hey - couch time? I can dig it. And if your heart was never broken, and the one you loved never hurt you, then you would never know how to grow stronger and be better and how important it is to hunt for real love. Selfless love. Chase it down and live in it. Be it. And let it grow up around you, and overtake you. And you might live your whole life in nowheresville - except for the hurts that chase you out. And the troubles that make you fight. So for all of the bad things, and all of the battles lost. All of the fails. I am not even mad.

Things Coming Up

I am inordinately excited about The Holidays this year. I have no idea why. But I am. I have been eyeing my Christmas Baldies (Chuck Taylors) for a couple of weeks now, anticipating their seasonal release. I have resisted the temptation to break out the Christmas music. Ok fine. I snuck one "winter" song into a playlist. It's supposed to be 18 degrees on Tuesday, so I feel totally justified.

In the spirit of all of the upcoming Holiday goodness, all of the people are selling all of the things. For instance, I am selling Scentsy. If you didn't know that, are pleasantly surprised and relieved since you have been looking for a consultant, or have a bunch of friends and want to have a party, mostly just to hang out with me, here is my website: Liv's Scentsy Website. Now is absolutely the best time to get stuff because they have winter/holiday scents like Goody Goody Gumdrop and Everything Nice, which make me want to eat the air in my house. Which is kind of gross if you've ever been in my house.

After that shameless pitch, somebody else, namely my friend Susan, is having a Jamberry Nails party.  (My friend Andrea also sells these I think, in case you know her or don't like Susan. But who doesn't like Susan, for Heaven's sake.) Someday I will write an entire blog about fingernails and why mine will always look like crap, but I accidentally/on purpose clicked on a link to these:

I have heard several people say that Jamberry is awesome. I haven't tried them because it's already been established that my nails will always look like crap. But reindeer? I mean come on. And especially when they are surrounded by little piles of poop. I can't resist. So I am taking the plunge. If my nails don't look like crap for a minute and have cute reindeers with poop on them because I have been successful, I will send you a picture. I am curious to get some Jamberry feedback from other users. But since my heart is somewhat set on the reindeers/poop, please hold your horror stories until after I experience my own to tell you. I am very disappointed that they don't have the "Gobble Me Up" turkey ones in grown up sizes, because, seriously? (As a disclaimer, I inherited my kitschy holiday-all-of-the-things ridiculousness from my Aunt Tracey.) 

So, I am off to order my  reindeer/poop nail sticker thingies, and believe in good success. And take on this holiday season, because I AM READY!

Things About Contentment

If you were to ask the Experts On My Life (i.e. my Mom, sisters, BFFs and Kids) what my deepest, darkest flaw is, other than impulse buying,  I can imagine with little to no hesitation that my standout weakness, and also probably The Only Thing Wrong With Me (ahem) that they would point out is my lack of contentment.

I have been examining this "issue" in my life more closely lately, as fate has given me ample opportunity to do some self examining in recent days. Living without a husband to examine yourself for you creates such windows of time for introspection. Oddly enough, lately I have been more content in my life, even going without certain things, like cable TV and kisses, than I have been at any memorable time in my life. I have been wondering why. And don't really have answers, but I do have some speculation...

The last few days/weeks/months have been a laughable cavalcade of ridiculously bad luck at my house. I am inclined to think that bad luck was one of the many things left behind when HE moved out. I am even more inclined to think that when I hear that maybe HE probably has a new girlfriend, and that HE is now a search and extraction heli-rappeller for the Air Force (do they have those?) and a Keynote Speaker at Events Of Regional Importance, and other almost unbelievable good-lucky things, so perhaps HE left all of HIS bad luck at our house. Which is why we have flesh eating bacterial diseases, fleas, and a myriad of other pestilent diseases, toilet floods, late charges on internet bills that we payed ahead, auto-payed and double payed because they sent our pay-ahead money to HIM as a refund when HE took HIS name off the bill, doubled phone bills because HIS iPhone contract is still sitting on my bill to the tune of $360, speeding tickets, disobedient teenagers, canine aural hematomas and much, much, much more going on. But then I remember that HE always had lucky-sounding things happening, or about to happen, even when HE was getting slammed with bad luck, like losing the Woman of HIS dreams and her four awesome kids and three awesome dogs, even with flesh eating bacteria and aural hematomas. So I feel like it's safe to say that HE probably took HIS luck with him, good or bad, and all of this is just a chance for me to learn contentedness in the middle of the storm.

And the craziest thing about it all: I am content. Maybe because even with the raging storm of crazy-bad luck, there is peace at home. In spite of the vicious teenagers and tottering-on-the-brink finances, there is peace. The flesh-eating bacteria healed. The fleas went away. The money comes and goes just like always, and a year from now I won't remember the stupid $500 that went to fixing all of the dumb-luck issues that popped up. We have food on the shelf of a house that is warm and we have each other. And if that is no good, we have other people too. Even in my loneliness I am content. Because I have tasted enough of uncomfortable and unhealthy relationship to know that peaceful loneliness is better sometimes.

November is the month of gratitude. Really, it should be one of twelve months of gratitude, but people like to talk about it more in November, so here I am, being all trendy.

I am grateful. For the money to pay the silly bills. For the medicine to cure the plagues. For the insurance to pay for the medicine so the money can pay the silly redundant bills. For the people that we love. The ones who take care of us. For the chilly fall weather and sweaters. For awesome healthy kids, even when they're incorrigible. For Halle NOT being the student randomly stabbed in her dorm (prayers to that family). For no pregnancies, no deaths, no shut off notices, no starving, no major losses, except to the Gosh Darn Patriots (I am NOT content about football right now). For dogs, even with their pestilences. For work, even when it sucks. I am grateful. And because I am grateful, I am content. Because gratitude leads to contentment. And ingratitude leads to discontent. And I am tired of both of those things.

Happy November. And happy gratitude. And happy contentment.

Things That Make Us Different

Because I am a woman full of good ideas and intentions that rarely come to fruition since I generally forget my ideas before I get out of bed in the morning, I posed my family a semi-challenge to come up with something each day this month that they were thankful for. Really it wasn't my good idea at all but something I stole from someone much more awesome than me on Facebook, and it was only a semi challenge because I forgot to interrogate my offspring daily to find out what thing had truly blessed them that day. Probably my forgetting was somewhat intentional, since I didn't want to hear Kizzie say how she would be thankful if she was allowed to see her friends, or have Aspen give me an I-don't-know-what-you-are-asking-me-can-I-have-a-snack look, or have Halle use the opportunity of my undivided attention to describe the plot of a movie that she is thankful that she really really wants to see in graphic detail. To be fair, Halle did post thankful things on her Facebook, and once even mentioned her sisters, which I have a sneaking suspicion was a hack job by her younger sibling.

In spite of losing track of this project on the family side, I have been trying to keep up with daily mentions of things I am thankful for, and generally speaking, they are frivolous and superficial, like peppermint lattes and Dagny's whiskers. When I really consider what I am thankful for, it seems so general and overarching to dwell on four healthy children, all the bills paid, and a warm house to sleep in, although I am overwhelmingly grateful for those things. I guess I have been trying to focus on the small, specific things from day to day that make me happy. Puppy cheeks and festive coffees definitely do this for me, as much as the peace of mind that being taken care of does. While I haven't kept up with the kids about their thankfulness, I have brought this issue up repeatedly in discussions with Josh, when it seems valid to point out my newly acquired grateful perfection that he clearly isn't equaling. These discussions have opened my eyes to a couple of things: namely, that I might be a kind of frivolous and superficial person, and also, that different things make different people happy. When I ask Josh what (and throw in a meaningful "if anything" jab) he is thankful for, his responses are precisely the ones that I feel go without saying. A healthy family, no major financial concerns, blah blah blah. When I accuse him of being vague and non-specific, he points out that his gratefulness is quite specific in that he is thankful for OUR healthy kids and not the general population of healthy kids, and it's definitely more meaningful than a peppermint latte. Touche. While my basic instinct (which of course I follow up on) is to berate him for "not valuing the little things" and letting life pass him by, which is CLEARLY happening, it begins to dawn on me that for a caretaker personality like Josh, nothing makes him happier than the security of being able to provide for his family and know that we are all ok, even if that means providing puppy kiss experiences and peppermint lattes. As I realize this about him, it also occurs to me that the recent defeat of job rejections for him is a showcase of his potential failure to provide, even though we have no worries for financial survival and he always finds a way to take care of us. For me, I am happy, I am grateful. I am not worried because I know that Josh is not capable of failing us, whether he gets his dream job or not. But for him, it is a dark and looming possibility. The amazing thing about this is that I realize, suddenly, that I have faith in him, and THAT makes me happy. If you had asked me two years ago to have faith in anything, or anyone, I would have scoffed at you. But here I am, trusting, happy, believing. If you had asked Josh two years ago if he wanted a family of 5 girls, 3 dogs and a rabbit to be responsible for, he would have probably scoffed at you and then beat you up. But here he is, struggling, stressing, surviving. How easy it is for me to sit on my couch-like throne and cast judgement on him for not appreciating the "simple joys" of hot coffee and sweatpants and sunshine in the windows, while he is out in the not-so-warm sunshine shoveling thousands of pounds of rocks to make sure the phone bill is paid, the cars aren't repossessed, and I can have my darn lattes. Shame on me. That Josh, in spite of all he has gone through with his quest for a job, and the disrespect of snotty teenagers that he supports with no credit given, and the opposition of 5 women to his sense of manly organization and functionality, is still thankful for our health and security and survival, is somewhat remarkable. It isn't that Josh doesn't have things to be thankful for, it's that his view of life right now is so different than mine that we are made happy by very different things, and while we both have valid points, I am somewhat ashamed for demanding his thankfulness for the silly things that make me happy. In short, I guess I have come to the realization that his thankfulness is something to be thankful for, and him in general, beyond his strong arms and even stronger opinions, the man behind my happiness is pretty amazing. But don't tell him I said that.

Things That I Am Grateful For

It is November. That means Thanksgiving and all of the rituals thereof, including that gratitude thing that somehow falls by the wayside the other 11 months out of the year. In addition to being the month of Thanksgiving, November is also the month of elections, and in the case of 2012, the all-important Presidential Election. Last night Josh asked me several times for my predictions for the elections this year. My prediction for our president was simple and jaded. Kind of like me: "I predict that the bad guy will get elected." Josh immediately wanted to contend the issue of "bad", which was a heinous mistake on his part, since he would be hard pressed to prove to me that we have anything other than "Bad Guys" running for president this year. Wisely he moved on to the subject of the Parks and Recreation issue that would mean passing a bond, but which I am ok with since A) I don't own land and B) I wouldn't have to get out of the Deschutes River and carry my floaty to the other side of the Colorado Street Spillway anymore. I also kind of like the idea of foregoing the horror stories of Entire Families Lost In the Spillway that we are relegated to reciting every year, but I have a sneaking hunch those stories will remain and grow exponentially, long after the spillway is removed. It makes the float more of a rush anyway. For a minute. So I kind of hope that that one passes, but since I don't know that I should be allowed a vote, not being a homeowner, I really shouldn't gripe either way, right? 

It occurred to me though, as I drug myself out of bed this morning (which seemed cruel and unusual since it's my day off) that today is a Very Important Day for our country. I don't feel like it is so important WHOM gets elected, as much as the fact that SOMEBODY does, and that we, as Americans, can get past the idea that the other guys are idiots and realize that we all signed up for this way of operating. And I have to say, in spite of some hiccups and scraped knees along the way, we've got a pretty great place to live. I get very angry at the conservatives in my life who refer to the "moron" Democrats, and how one would have to be completely stupid to vote for Obama. I get equally irritated with my liberal friends who insist that only a mindless imbecile could see clearly to vote for Romney. To me it is an insult to my friends and family that any one person's political beliefs would somehow grant the right of the thinker to judge the ideals of another human being. I understand believing something strongly. For instance, I will never be able to relate to the preference of milk chocolate over dark chocolate, but who am I to decide that YOUR taste buds are somehow inferior to my own? In fact, who is to say that there is any objectivity to taste any more than there is to an economic plan or a moral high ground? I know that I really rub Christian Fur the wrong way on this one, but I cannot support the idea that the same God who made so many crazy different people and cultures really only recommends one way of doing things. It just doesn't jive. I have come to the point where I can actually appreciate a spirited debate between two opposing views when the debaters have the maturity to believe that a difference of opinion is not grounds for a break in relationship. Case in point, my brother and (nearly) sister in law, who not only ascribe to opposite political views, but they are actually employed by campaigns of opposing parties. And yet, they live together, and apparently, at least once or twice a year, they get along. I love this. I really, absolutely do. It makes me want to disagree with Josh just so we can say how mature our relationship is. Unfortunately we will have to pick that up when he starts speaking to me again. 

I guess the bottom line for me is that I love our differences. I love that I know and care about just as many democrats as I do republicans and libertarians and green partiers (which sounds way more fun for some reason). It is our differences, and the liberty we have to express them, to live them, to vote on them, that makes our country great and unique and amazing. I have been to other places in the world. Even other democratic places, but I will take this one. Yes, we are young and cocky and headstrong and definitely have some maturing to do on the international stage. But we are strong, and we learn from our mistakes. We push ahead and we pull together. We have the option to do these things. We are not told how to live. Nor should we ever be. I find it amusing that so many conservative Christians with their lists of rules and violations and scriptural policies are usually the ones who denounce big government and interference. The heart of their belief is self-government, and in this I believe 100%. The liberal side creates legislation for how to legislate, and offers governmental guidance and rules to help in their effort to maintain equal rights and liberties, in which I also believe. So both parties get confused, both live in their dichotomies - but ultimately, I believe that both seek the same Best Interest for our country, and so I am grateful. And I am absolutely unworried about the outcome of this election, because no matter which "bad guy" we elect, ultimately, he isn't the one calling the shots, we are. Josh thinks that I am naive and don't understand the political process. He couldn't be more correct. But I think that I understand humanity, and the idea that no matter how bad it gets screwed up every four years, there's another four years to fix it. Or make it worse. Either way, it's up to us to make the best of it and be the best American People yet. 

My recommendation to every American is to watch two movies. First, watch Idiocracy. This is what we can be. Make the choices to not. Then watch Mr. Smith Goes To Washington. This is ALSO what we can be. Make the choices to. I also recommend popcorn and Holiday Junior Mints with these movies. If you only want to watch one movie, then by all means, go with Jimmy Stewart. I don't even feel the need to explain that one. If you need to borrow it, I have it. If you can't find Holiday Junior Mints, you can always steal the leftover halloween candy from your kids. If you don't have kids, please steal it from mine. Or just steal my kids. One day I will discuss the horrors of children who hoard candy from Halloween to Easter to Halloween, Every. Single. Year. But for now, I have a day off to be thankful for. Or most of a day off, since my boss just called me in to work this afternoon. Apparently my efforts at inefficiency are not working, as they don't seem to be able to function without me. As long as I can wear sweatpants til 9:52, I won't complain.