“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”

This quote has been attributed to many sources, including a 1907 volume called Mrs. Goose, Her Book that is a likely contender for the claim, but it has also been ascribed to Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain and the book of Proverbs (in a slightly different format) (the latter two, I would contend, are synonymous #MarkTwainIsMyHero).

From whichever lips or pens or or chisels it originally hailed, the words ring true over the centuries, and yet here we are, in a world were everybody and their dog seems hell bent on removing all doubt as to their idiocy. I am the chiefest of sinners, as Someone Close To Me likes to point out, intent on expressing unsolicited opinions and offering mostly ill-advised counsel. I think I have gotten better over the years and repeated incidence of pissing people off, at keeping my mouth shut, but sometimes I still prattle on. And there’s a very decent chance nobody gives a rats ass what I have to say.

But then I think about what happens if we’re all silent. What if Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain never said anything? What if Mrs. Goose, whomever the hell she is, and that one dude that wrote the bible kept their proverbial mouth shut (intentional pun)? What if Martin Luther King never shared his dream? What if people like Hemingway and Sir James Barrie never taught us how to imagine in words? Apparently, there is a time and a place for speaking, and for being heard.

Not to say that my voice ranks among those, and not to downplay the crisis of narcissistic self-expression we are currently submerged in, but silence isn’t always golden. As the Leader of Self Expressing Narcissists, I have had to wrestle with criticism and hard questions from people whom I respect and admire very much who don’t like or don’t see the need or point of things that I have written. I have had to sit down and think quietly sometimes about why I am saying things, the purpose and intent behind my words.

As I’ve said before, getting my words out in some form is a link to sanity for me. It’s my own prozac. My childhood journals are filled with questions, a search for meaning, a longing for depth and understanding. Someday when I am dead they will be worth millions, I have no doubt. It is questionable whether I “need to” or “should” put my words into a publicly digestible format. Am I just removing the doubt of others as to my own stupidity?

But then I think of my friends, the ones with good words who share them, not knowing how much I needed to hear them. Maybe nobody needs to hear that their voice is needed, but then again, maybe they do. I tell my friends when their words make impact. I wish I could tell Mark Twain somehow. I even tweeted JK Rowling to tell her how much her frank discussion on the issue of sexual identity means to me as a mother in this weird world. Her words have won her death and rape threats, among many other horrors, but they are real and sincere words that have opened up new understanding for me. Silence can be a cowardly answer.

Opening our mouths, our hearts, our minds, our pens… it is vulnerability. It’s inviting criticism and judgement. It’s asking for argument in this day and age. It is impossible to speak without raising a reaction from someone.

There are times when silence is appropriate, when it is wisdom and respect to keep your mouth shut and listen instead of regurgitating rhetoric you have heard from your favorite talking head. Silence can be an effective tool of communication, and it certainly leaves the level of intelligence in question. Silence can be your salvation in certain situations. But maybe there is a reason that the term that was once used for people who aren’t able to talk has evolved to mean someone who also does not think. Dumb means “lacking the power to speak” but is also means “lacking intelligence or good judgment; stupid; dull-witted.”

Ironic that the a fool is dumb… but to open your mouth can also render you a fool.

As with all of life, the power of words is a double edged sword. It’s a privilege. It’s a gift. Or, if you’re a Self-Expressing Narcissist, it’s your right.

Maybe Lincoln, or Twain, or Mrs. Goose or whomever wasn’t dead to rights in this quote, but maybe, as with all proverbs, there’s truth to be distilled out of it. Know when to speak and when to remain silent. Be self-aware enough to know when and if your words have value, even if it’s only to you - which is often true for me.