Filed Under: Things That Will Most Likely Get Me In Trouble With Someone

I followed along with some friends who went fishing the other day and had an epiphany. If you have a phone, or any social media, or move through any part of populated civilization, you have probably seen the reels of women roasting men and their fishing pictures. It’s unfathomable to a woman why a man would use a picture of himself holding up a slimy, dead fish as a profile image on a dating app, and so they make videos of themselves posing with bottles of wine, crochet projects, even their offspring, in the same manner to show men how silly they look. But I think I get it, and if we lived in a world where it was ok for men to be men, a lot of other people would too.

Men are hunters. The biological drive to pursue and capture quarry is rooted at least as deeply in the male species as the female proclivity to brunches and arts and crafts. I would argue moreso, as a female who has neither of these proclivities but will feign both as an excuse to drink wine and eat breakfast foods.

Men love to hunt. They are born with the need to chase down running prey - fish, deer, coyotes, wildabeasts, wild hogs, and yes… women. Holding up a trophy fish is, to a man, the ultimate conveyance of his biological success as a hunter and provider. Even if that fish is inedible. And even if that trophy critter ends up on a wall, or a hearth, or spread across a stone floor in a great lodge for lounging with large horns of ale, they will never cease to need hunting, pursuing, catching, killing and consuming. Scientifically, speaking from my vast scientific education, this compulsion is a survival instinct. It’s how our tribes were fed until the agricultural revolution and somebody figured out how to domesticate, stupify and fatten up the prey.

But the biological drive lives on.

It occurred to me that men use these pictures on dating apps because it demonstrates capability and success as a provider and as a pursuer. And subconsciously for many men, chasing, wooing and capturing a woman - hanging her on the proverbial wall, is no different than any other hunt. Even with a trophy on the wall, men still have the compulsion to chase, catch, and maybe release… just to see what they can get. For the thrill of it. This all makes perfect biological sense, except to women, especially those in our western monogamous culture that says one should be enough (women, not fish). And the real problem is that women are not, in fact, fish. In spite of the chilling similarities in the glassy, outraged eyes, the heaving bosom (gills) and slippery manipulation tactics, women want to be the only trophy on the wall. And when you try to release them they may just flop fatally onto the rocks in despair. I’ve been there.

And that’s why hundreds of books have been written about keeping marriages and relationships alive by never letting the thrill of the chase die out. To keep your connection tuned up just as you would your hunting bow, your rod and reel, the wall tent and backpack - no expense spared by the best hunters. And instead of the glassy-eyed stare of bored resignation, where are the women who keep pushing forward, challenging themselves to stay spry and engaging and give the man who has caught them a continued pursuit (and not by becoming a nagging B). Women want to be treated like the exotic species that he displays proudly from that once-in-a-lifetime trip, but they often become apathetic, insulting and unfascinating to the hunter. By always remaining in a state of pursuit of the next level whatever it is in a connection that makes both sides feel alive. It takes work and attention to detail to keep an hunter engaged - they’ll all tell you the smarter the quarry the more thrilling the chase. It takes work and attention to detail to catch and keep the prize quarry. We all get lazy and then wonder why our relationships lack fulfillment…

Stock Photo: average entitled “trophy” wife

This is also why porn has such an emasculating effect on men. They are trained through easy-access gratification and the soulless rollover of females who not only offer nothing to chase, but short circuit the very biological wiring in men with the bait-and-switch. Why chase the real trophy that will give you a fight at the end of your line when PornHole is telling you that women are lined up waiting to please you, free of any effort on your part. This, coupled with the #metoo fears surrounding consent and overplayed sexist shaming of men, has led to new generations of non-hunting men. So hang in there, ladies, the fish pictures will die out soon, but you aren’t gonna like the tradeoff. Check out PornHole to see your future. Men are done chasing.

To the men that still chase, I have two things to say: Don’t Stop. And…

Hunters aren’t biologically wired to catch and release. Even the inedible fish and the varmints caught served a purpose. Our society has trained us that this is the most and sometimes only acceptable approach, to both fishing and women. A true hunt ends with capture and consumption. You are wired to possess your quarry. Don’t be afraid of that, and there’s no shame in those profile pictures.