It’s strange, over the course of history, how our human preoccupation with need has evolved. The social and cultural high points of history are rife with indulgent exploration of psychological and emotional “needs” that are far removed from the low points in history - the darkest, war-filled ages when physical survival was the paramount concern.

From continent to continent, where each nation sits on the hierarchical pyramid of human need is determined by GDP, natural resources and population density - i.e. competition to survive. Here in the U.S., we live in one of the richest countries in the world, in all categories, and we find our selves tottering on the very fine tip of the pyramid - flying too close to the sun of self actualization with our glued-on wings. It’s a long way down from here, folks.

And yet still we reach, each of us in our own way. Casting off social norms, cultural programming, political agendas. Dabbling in gender fluidity, redefining human relationships and interactions in ways that probably haven’t been explored at such extremes since the height of the Roman Empire. Our self-actualization experiments call in to question the value of human life, of ideas, of words. Every line is being tested.

There is a fall coming. Maybe it’s an awkward, bumpy roll backwards through the compromise of our confidence and the re-negotiation of the accountability that real connection requires, or a nosedive straight to a fight for water, shelter and food, only time will tell, but we can’t stand tippy-toe on this precipice, throwing stones at the other self-actualizers, for very long.

Modern psychology and long term prosperity in this country has done us the disservice of allowing the overeducated masses speedboat their way through the first several levels of neediness, rocketing right past survival, security and belonging, because those things are assured, or dare I say “entitlements”, owed to everyone in this society. Generations who have come since the Great Depression and World War II have never had to worry, as a whole, about those things. They come as hard won privilege that our ancestors bequeathed us. Not to say, as individuals, we didn’t struggle along the way. Some of us fought our way up, past dirt floor cabins and no running water to arrive here, where we can navel-gaze all day and, having spent too little or too much time focusing on what we did or didn’t like about ourselves, launch right up the hill into forcing whatever version of ourselves we have decided we like the best on to the rest of the world.

Self-actualization is eating our lunch right now because we don’t have the maturity, the self-government, the emotional regulation or the accountability to understand that what we do in this life echoes not only in eternity, but in the lives of everyone we touch.

We have all learned to tune in primarily to our own needs. We have all become obsessed with our own desperate search to matter, to feel unique and special, regardless of the damage we inflict on others or the wholeness we revoke from those around us. As parents, we sacrifice our children on the altar of our own “self-care” and mental health. As lovers, we tear holes in the fabric of connection in the name of “self-love” and autonomy. We are not responsible for others. That was SO two hierarchies ago. Oh yeah, the one we blew right past.

We are not teaching our children the value of connection. We have not imparted to younger generations the perpetual threat to security. And most people under 70 in this culture would never survive if all these “entitlements” were stripped away.

I sit here, feeling overwhelmed with a list of demands I have placed upon myself as part of my own shallow and immature quest for self-actualization. The things I must do to be the person I have decided I want everyone to see: someone special, different than all of the other pyramid-toppers I see around me. It’s a self-imposed misery, this neediness. And when I dig down, it isn’t rooted in self-confidence built solidly on who I know I am. It isn’t based in belonging and the deep safety of mutual accountability. And deep down, my need for security doesn’t even really feel met. I feel vulnerable, up here on a peak that I didn’t train for. I think if most of us were honest, we’d say the same thing. But we keep reaching for the sun. We can’t let them see us climb back down in humility to the lower levels of neediness.

Iryna Zarutska was here in the U.S. seeking security. It was denied her. She was robbed of the basest of needs by someone with their own set of unmet needs. The rampant untreated and maltreated mental health and substance abuse issues in this country are directly related to the inability of most people to meet needs at the lowest levels. Shelter. Sleep. Employment. Health. Connection. Belonging.

The things that we are “entitled” to have made us wards of a state who will poison us with their approved foods, medicate us with their approved drugs, brainwash us with their psy-ops and then turn us loose on our neighbors, who are similarly propped up on the tips of pyramids with giant, gaping Jenga holes all the way up from the bottom.

I am working my way back down my pyramid. Looking for the holes. Patching up the gaps. Checking to see that my basest needs, and those of the ones I love the most, are met - and not just assumed as an entitlement. Food, shelter, security, health, work, belonging… My self-actualization can wait. Or better yet, it can be the fruit of a healthier tree.

Is there a way to come down from that peak as a civilization without falling? Without the total collapse of the pyramid? It seems to me the only way is one person at a time, choosing to back up from their “need” to self-actualize and regroup with the rest of us. Individually, some of us may be healthy enough to stand up there, but as a whole, we are not. Our needs are unmet. You can see that on the streets of every city. It is evident in the suicide rates and broken families. The mass murders and assassinations. The disconnected communities. You can see it even in the health of our forests and wildlands. Our basest needs, our security - our connections are all balanced precariously right now, as if the pyramid was turned upside down and spinning like a top-heavy dreidel, out of control. It will stop. It will fall…. but how?